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Friday, January 22, 2010

Single & Coping it!

Does the customary question, “So when are you getting married" leave you fuming? Does your mum often get those panic attacks on discerning the stress to marry you off? Time & again, family put two fingers up to your denials for the proposed guy and since you carry the tag 'Single', you should be dying with hypertension of not being able to find yourself, Mr. Perfect. Welcome to the world of singles, who are trying to cope as they share the same status quo.

Clique in your circle, colleagues at work place and all those agony aunts, leave no stone unturned to prod u, that u have amiss in life! Such strain by folks, often takes a toll on an otherwise lucrative & elated life, a singleton leads. Your parents could be putting pressure on you by apprising you, that your cousin, who’s younger, is already married, so now it’s your turn. Or they would like to see their grandchildren. To top it all, you see most of your peers already married with children. And the social encumbrance to get married never seems to lull.

Many women often have hang it all attitude at such situations, but experts say, that most of them are likely to suffer depression caused due to 'OMG, I’m still single' worry. They usually fail to face the pressure and take lying down to the bombardment of all such annoying questions, thrown by family & friends. These folks are the ones, who make women feel that after crossing a certain age getting married is a long row to hoe.

Psychologists say, that single hood is normally assumed to be as a waiting stage before one gets married, so when this phase in a woman's life extends a little longer to the thirties, people begin to wonder, followed by flooding in series of questions, like, 'What's keeping her from tying the heavenly knot?' It's usually seen that no matter, aunty-ji in the neighbourhood might be going through a relationship crisis in her own marriage, but still she would be more than eager to get the girl in question settled, simply because it’s the norm of the society. It sees marriage as a sine qua non of a settled life.

I remember my mother went crazy during my days of being single! We were completely at loggerheads on the kind of boy to look for. She used to fix a meeting each weekend with prospective grooms and get vexed on my dissent. She often accused me for being high headed and spoiled completely by the metro culture as my parents stayed back in Punjab. We used to have frequent arguments as she felt I was responsible for abeyance of marriage, but I wanted to take my own sweet time and not rush things.

A close friend of mine who is 30 single explains “My mom often berates about my being too picky and taking time to settle down, she worries so much that it has started affecting her health now. She often gets thwarted by the thought process backed by her friends and sisters, that if not now, then only divorce es and widowers would be left to choose from". She further explains, that her younger brother is engaged, but her mum is adamant that as a rule in most of the Punjabi families, her being elder, should be married first, else what will people say!"

The fear of society paralyzes parents' thinking process and they put themselves and the girls under unwarranted pressure, leaving them to be at sixes and sevens. Advice to all such women is, not to rush, take your time, as it’s your life, one can't marry just for the sake that her biological clock is ticking. What if the decision taken in haste and under pressure leaves you hanging by a thread later? After all, you have to deal with it for the rest of the life, not anyone else. So many of you who are touching 30 & still single, don't feel like a lost ball in high weeds, time is still by your side!

28 comments:

Maddy said...

Can you please forward this to my parents? I think I realize why people out in 18 hours @ work ...

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